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"You will give me a refund for $500."

"I will give you a refund for $500."

Whenever someone asks you to do something, with polite sounding wording, but the tone makes it sound like an order, this is a Fake Jedi Mind Trick. It's basically any statement that presumes something will be done before the other party agrees to it. If the customer service rep turns out to be weak willed and caves to the customer's demands, the customer is a true Jedi...and a complete asshole.

My brother likes to abuse this "power." Example:

Danny: "Can you clean out the garage." If you say maybe, he says, "Will you clean out the garage."

Customers do this frequently. It's a mind game. "Could I get a refund on my order." Notice the lack of a question mark. Or they say, "I'd like a refund on my order" and it sounds like a demand.

There is nothing more obnoxious than this. Not only are these people stuck on an entitlement kick, but they take their entitlement for granted to such an extent that they just assume they can just "ask" for something and receive it. They just assume you will bend over and take it.

Customer Service Examples:

  • Any time any customer says "let's", as in "All right, let's get a refund set up and get the dress of the right color sent out this time," when you had no inclination to do anything of the sort. Yes, the dress is not the same color as the one on the website. That's because it's a glamour shot in a professionally done photograph! "We're" not going to set up anything because "you're" a bitch.
    • "Let's do this: Have your people send me another one of those $90 purses, the $150 pumps, and refund my account $500." Well I'm sorry for your inconvenience. To compensate you for your difficulty, I will give you the finger.
      *"Let's figure out how we can solve this..." This line usually comes just a phone minute before the "lets" listed above, like "Let's set up a refund for my $500 order, and I'll keep the $100 dress, too."
  • Worse, whenever a customer says "You have to." "You have to send me another $100 dress free of charge because...(insert entitlement defense here)."
  • "There is no (your reason for not allowing the concession)! I want my (concession) now!" It doesn't matter what you tell them, they will say that the information you gave them doesn't exist, and that because of that, they deserve a concession.

For example: "There's no `unfortunately' about it! I want my free tote bag!" I guess it's sort of like that "There is no spoon" line in the Matrix or something.

  • "I don't have seven days to wait for this order."

Well that's tough, because the item is in the mail, and I can't just strap on a rocket belt and flog the UPS man because it's late.

  • "You don't understand. I NEED this dress by Friday! You NEED to get this to me now!"

Excuse my ignorance, but I've never heard anyone passing away due to a fashion emergency.